To love or to wove

Traveling Adventures of a Resilient Entertainer; To love or to wove... 

Being an entertainer is hard on one's soul. Even harder on those around you. Your skin has to be thick enough to take on every attack from people that most likely will be gone from your life. People in the media will point out your worst qualities despite any good you may have accomplished. 

For me it has been dealing with people in my life. Rather I should say not in my life. I have dedicated my purpose to making things happen to make things happen. I only get one life to make my soul smile. Do I want a person to help my soul smile? No, I want someone in my life that adds to my already smiling being. I am a hard person to deal with since I live logically... well, logically in my mind. It's hard for me to express my feelings all the time. Though I've also had a hard time keeping up with needs of others.

Relationships with friends, loved ones and even enemies take a lot out of a person. It is almost too much to deal with on a daily bases. I can say one thing is true, I have lost three people in the last two months that have meant a world of life to me. They'll never know what has been added to my life because of them. How much they meant or the thanks I have for them giving me a great many beautiful memories...

One was a great love that I'm sure will never come to me again. She is gone, mostly on me, I am a hard person to deal with. But that story is more complicated than a few words could ever explain. I do miss her dearly. But she is better off without my lagging existence. We were just two strong souls fighting for something in our lives. I couldn't give her what she wanted, not even just me. And I know she couldn't keep up with my ever changing life. I'll always miss her, and I wish I could say sorry and mend everything, but I can not...

Another was a friend that really brought art into my purpose. She has her own life now and will surely do great things. She's a fantastic artist, and creator. There will never be enough nice things I could say about her, but I can't keep defending my actions and words. I just don't know how to, nor have the energy to do so. I wish her a beautiful peace... 

And finally my best friend and cousin. I am a douche, that's all I can say on that. He has his life now which I wish him well. I just don't have a censor on my brain that says, “Sir, shut up, you are about to upset someone.”. Some master of TAC I am. This next chapter of his life will be glorious I am sure. He is happy, and that's all I care about. 

So the life of an entertainer starts with yourself, being able to move your life as the business needs you to. To find people who can move along with that change, or deal with how busy the Traveling Adventures of a Resilient Entertainer can be. If you are ready to sacrifice those in your life than maybe you are ready for this adventure. If you are not, I seriously recommend you get out of this business and do it as a hobby. There are a select few people who've left my life that make me think I am not ready for this life, but that's not up to me anymore. I've been in this life for so long, I know nothing else.

You are the only one guaranteed to be on your death bed at the end of your life, but I know the few that will be in my thoughts in that last moment. Goodbye my Queen...